The Oh-So-Long Way Back Home

Had not been looking forward to our return trip home.

That morning the kids were crying a lot, but the car ride to the airport was fairly quiet.

Got into the terminal with no trouble, then had to wait for our agency representative to bring passports and the embassy packet that needed for US Customs when we landed in Atlanta. While waiting, I redistributed the contents of the two main suitcases to even the weight.

Finally she arrived and gave us all we needed, plus a heavy packet of papers that we were asked to deliver to out local agency office on behalf of other families. We quickly stuffed that unexpected packet into one of our suitcases and we were off into the Russian security area, where there now was a long line. After a minute of two an agent waved us past the others in line saying that families with children go to the front. Great!

That got us through the baggage scan line, but we still had to wait for the Delta agent to check our paperwork and others to search through out checked bags. By the time we were past all of that Andrew, still being carried, was beginning to fuss and cry; so we got him down and I walked him around and around in circles. That made him smile and laugh, much to the relief and then amusement of the other travelers. Next it was our turn to check the bags.

Since the kids were crying again, Gayle was told to move on through, while I worked with the agent. This is when we discovered that one of our bags was overweight. The agent said we could repack, but with the kids both struggling, we just agreed to pay the fine. Did not realize until later that it was the packet of papers for the agency that put us over.


This photo is of the train stop between Moscow and Bryansk where there are many stuffed animal vendors.

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Now Gayle and I switched duties because she knew where the credit cards were packed. Bethany was trying her best to escape the whole time. While I held Andrew in one arm, she kept squirming and twisting out of my hold. Fortunately, she thought it was funny and so remained relatively quiet. There was some additional problem with the ticketing regarding Andrew’s fare, so Gayle had to remain at the counter a very long time.

Once through, we moved toward the line where we had to show our passports and turn back in the second part of our migration card. We never made it to the end of the line. A worker saw us coming with the crying kids and quickly escorted us to the front of the line. Once through, we spotted the gate waiting area, which was of course full, so we camped out on the floor nearby.

Spent the time playing and walking with the kids, hoping that tiring them out was the best plan. We were trying to wait for the security line at the gate to shorten, but people kept coming, so finally we gave up and got into line. The kids were quiet this time, but again we were flagged down by someone and told to go to the front of the line. We even passed though security without removing our shoes.

They did take a long time searching our carry on bags though, even with both kids struggling the whole time. It was very stressful to keep trying to distract them from crying. All of us were exhausted by then.

Finally, we were heading on board. I had two carryon bags, and Bethany. Gayle had one carryon, and Andrew. Still, all in all, we were managing–tense and overheated from the struggle–but managing. Soon we were at our seats...but they were occupied. Oh No!

I went to get a flight attendant, while Gayle talked to the people in our seats. They moved, we stowed our bags and got seated. Center row; three seats. Gayle and I sat on the aisles and raised the armrests out of the way. The kids would share the seat in between.

Soon it was time for take-off. Andrew was in Gayle's lap and I tried to buckle Bethany into the center seat. That restraint set her off on a long tantrum. We tried to calm her, but couldn’t. Tried to give her something to eat, but she just mashed it up in her mouth and did not swallow. I had to scoop it back out for fear of her choking amid all her screaming.

After all else failed, I just put her in my lap and held tight until she calmed down and stopped screaming and fighting. It seemed like a very, very long time for us...and all those nearby.

I took note of some business travelers around us. Someone must have failed to tell them that this flight is frequented by newly adopted children and is sometimes called the Flight From Hell. There were other crying children here and there throughout our section; much in contrast to the previous two return flights we had taken. This time it was good to hear kids crying, made us feel better knowing that it wasn't just us.

After the initial disturbance, Andrew and Bethnay were fairly quiet. Andrew slept most of the time, Bethany was constantly fussing with the toys, books, magazines and everything else she could get her hands on. On the positive side the flight seemed shorter than all the others, because we sure weren’t bored.

The moment the wheels of our plane touched ground in Altanta, Bethany and Andrew became U.S. citizens (while still retaining their Russian citizenship).

We moved through Customs and security without much trouble, then were steered out of the main lines to a separate area where they took our embassy packet and we waited for maybe half an hour for the kids’ passports to be cleared and stamped.

We tried to excercise the kids while we waited. Andrew especially put on quite a show. He would get that big smile of his, start running and then plop on the ground, get right back up and start again. Run, plop, run, plop; always smiling and laughing.

We stopped at the food court to get something to eat, but Andrew was more in need of a nap then a meal, so started crying. We just chucked it all in the trash and headed for the gate. Soon they both fell asleep and much to our relief, slept most of the way on the flight to Phoenix.

We landed early in Phoenix, but had to wait a half hour in the plane for the gate to clear. Ooh so close!

Finally, we got off and were greeted by a gathering of friends and family waiting past security. We hung out for awhile and showed the kids off, then got into our car that had just been dropped off for us and headed for home!

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Two years and many thousands of miles later, we all walked though the door of our home, ready for our new life together to begin.

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Bad Parents (Additional Moscow Notes)

A traffic officer stopped us, again. This time in downtown Moscow. Same as in Klintsy, except that was a random stop. This one was because Bethany was seen standing up between us in the back seat. I admit that sounds bad, but here is the back-story.

We believe is car seats. We actually have six. Two new ones in each of our cars, precisely installed and maintained, and an extra pair of used ones, for others who may want to transport the kids.

And, we lugged along two other car seats from Phoenix to Moscow on our second trip. These were donated by our agency. We brought them for use by our kids and we were to leave them for all to use.

But, when we arrived, the seats seemed unexpected by drivers and facilitator, and we were given the impression that they would not be used. Russia had just implemented a child restraint law effective the first of 2007. There was apparently not much compliance as yet.

So, on the third trip, we were not surprised to find that there were no car seats in any of the vehicles that we used.

On this particular ride, we were with Mila. Normally both kids rode in our laps, but this time we kept Bethany on the bench seat between us. She was getting cranky, so Mila was talking to her in Russian. This caused Bethany to edge closer to her, so that eventually she was standing in the gap between the front seats, while I held on to her from behind. It was very slow, bumper to bumper, downtown street traffic.

And so, back to the traffic stop. The officer saw Bethany and pulled Mila over. After less than a minute, she was back in the car. She said that the officer told her that we were bad parents, but Mila had negotiated her way out of the fine; I think by agreeing with him. Bethany rode on our lap from that point on.

It's not just traffic officers, we had to beware of the babooshkas too.

Gayle says I was paranoid, but everywhere we went I saw the older Russian women looking at us when we were out with the kids. We had been told before that they are very concerned about the children being adequately clothed.

Most of the kids we saw appeared to be so bundled up in snowsuits, that they must have been sweating in the milder weather we were having then.

The pants we had for our kids were normal length, so when bunched up by a carrier or stroller they exposed too much leg for the socks to cover. I had to be on constant watch for exposed skin. Tugging down on the pants and up on the socks.

Plus, Bethany and Andrew did not have gloves; though not all toddlers we saw did. Also had to be sure they had on their knit caps or hoods at all times. Did not want to look like bad parents.

More Notes On Moscow

Roads—Mila says that Moscow has two seasons: Winter and "Road Construction". The mayor of Moscow has said that the city has two problems, “roads” and “idiots”. He is unable to do anything about the latter, so he concentrates on the former.

She says that the traffic is lighter in the winter, because many people garage their cars for the season and use public transportation instead.

This photo shows the reindeer at the Moscow zoo.

Museums—The Armory Chamber is the state treasures museum within the walls of the Kremlin. It is made up of nine large, high-ceilinged halls, on two floors. Each hall a different type of collection. Gold, silver and jewels abound, gifts from around the world and across the centuries.

One hall is royal clothing (coronation and wedding gowns, crowns, etc.). Another is thrones. Still another armour and weapons. Of course there are Faberge eggs.

In the room with the royal carriages, there are electronic sensors. I leaned in too far to get a close look at one carriage and set off a flashing red sign and alarm. Quick, where's my passport! It's OK, the guards did not swarm on me.

The number of visitors is strictly monitored and limited. The atmosphere inside is carefully controlled. The Armory is closed at certain times during the day for cleaning and among other reasons, “to refresh the air”. I think that no photography was allowed. It may have just been no flash photography.

A completely separate tour is the Diamond Fund, the precious stones and jewelry of the tsars and empresses. These rooms can only be entered as part of a guided tour. There are no signs, or descriptions of the exhibits there. The guide provides all the information. Guards take care to be sure you stay with your guide.

Mila says that other sites within the Kremlin cannot be guided. This change was made because the citizens complained that the guided tours were blocking their access.

By the the huge, ornate Tsar Cannon in the Kremlin grounds, I stepped backward off the curb to try for a better picture and immediately heard a whistle blown by a nearby guard. You are only allowed to walk in certain places.

War History—The large metal X-like sculpture on the highway just outside the airport symbolizes an anti-tank barrier, and marks the end of the forward progress made by the German army during WWII. Mila says the army was stopped when two generals were sent in: “January” and “February”; the Russian winter played its role.

She says that the Germans had brought special stone with them to erect monuments to their victory. The stone was abandoned when they began their retreat, so the Russians used the stone for their own monuments.

Souvenirs—Mila says that wooden souvenirs should not be bought from outside vendors as the climate affects the wood adversely, and they may crack.

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This photo is on the train from Bryansk to Moscow. Their first bedtime after we got them. They are in the lower berth.

Restrooms—Public restrooms are usually attended outside by a woman, often referred to a babooshka, the sound for the Russian word for grandmother. She collects 10-15 rubles for use of the facility and supplies toilet paper as requested. Better to use the facilities inside hotels or restaurants.

Other History—Peter the Great was a shipbuilder as a young man. He moved the capital from Moscow to an undeveloped seaport location, St Petersburg, in order to open Russia up to world trade. It was later moved back to Moscow to make it less vulnerable to attack.

Dogs—There are a lot of stray dogs. All we encountered seemed tame. We saw two separate packs of dogs at Red Square.

Painting—Everywhere there was Spring painting. Often by uniformed workers, sometimes by residents. Mostly fences, especially the little foot-high fences that are everywhere. Mila says, “better to paint, than clean”.

Napkins—Food servers are constantly collecting empty glasses and dishes and any perceived litter on the table. At first we wondered why the tables only have tiny napkins (fanned out in a holder). Hardly seemed big enough to do the job. Then we realized that anytime you set a used napkin down, it would quickly disappear in the hands of the food server. So you use many tiny napkins, instead of one big one.

Notes On Moscow

Subways—As with the subway in New York, and I’m sure subways everywhere, you can’t dawdle when you get on an off in the crush of people. I was reminded of that when I was following others trying to squeeze onto a car. Those just in front of me were not moving quickly enough toward the center of the car. Someone from behind gave me a big push, so that they could clear the door before it closed. After that I accelerated my boarding and unboarding.

One time when I was in front of Gayle, (this was a pre-kids trip), I rushed off and away from the car so as to make room for others exiting behind me. Then, I heard a commotion and turned around to see people rushing to the car door from both inside and outside.

Gayle had been walking with her shoulder purse projected behind her, and the purse had gotten caught in the closing door. Before I could react, others had pried from both sides to force the door back open enough for the purse to slip through. Close call!

The subway stations are remarkably beautiful–referred to as "underground palaces"–and are a main tourist attraction. Each with a unique theme, many very elaborate with mosaics, sculptures, chandeliers, stained glass, marble columns and stunning stuccoed ceilings. All very clean. And, the longest escalators I have ever seen.

The funny thing about the escalators, is their steep angle. When you look over at the people on the escalator going the opposite direction, they appear as if they are standing at a forty-five degree angle (Monty Pythonesque); either exaggeratedly leaning forward or backward. And, when two people are facing in opposite direction, having a conversation, it looks even more bizarre.

Traffic—Perhaps the traffic is not much different from other major cities, but for us, being chauffeured about in Moscow by car, it was a bit of a thrill ride. Especially when the driver is a type “A” personality. There are few large or even mid-size cars; most are compact. This, apparently, imparts a perceived nimbleness to their operators. No space is too small to squeeze pass another, especially with the skilled use of the horn. No long blasts, just short single and double chirps.

I’m sure there are lane marking on the road, but you wouldn’t think so when you experience the free-for-all around some intersections. It’s kind of like the tabletop football game that I played with as a kid where the playing surface vibrated and the player/pieces moved about in all directions, wiggling past the other players without much organized flow.

With a type “A” driver, every little encounter with another vehicle is a critique of the other driver’s behavior.

Pedestrians do not have the right-of-way. Let me say that again. Pedestrians do not have the right-of-way! Officially they do in a designated crosswalk…but they don’t. A driver seeing a pedestrian down the road, who looked as if thinking about crossing, gave a double-beep warning and maintained full speed ahead.

To avoid crossing the streets, there are underground walkways; many as part of subway entrances. Down there on those walkways you can buy most anything–sort of a mini department store–clothes, food, electronics, music, movies, books, etc. Not walk-in stores, but just a series of glassed-in booths. Don’t know how those clerks can stand to be cooped up inside that tiny space all day.

How much?—Buying items was fairly easy when there was a cash register that displayed the total amount. Otherwise, it could become very confusing. We knew the numbers one thru ten, but if the price was say, $245 rubles (approx $10) and the vendor did not have pen and paper, she would tell us "two hundred forty five" in Russian, which stepped beyond our studies. We usually knew approximately the value of what we were buying, so sometimes we just ended up showing the bills and letting the seller pick.

One time we got confused trying to buy flowers. We thought we were giving the right amount, but after she took the money, she began pulling flowers from the bouquet. We ended up with only six.

Paper towels—We missed having paper towels. Neither apartment (second or third trip) had any. They just use cloth towels. But to clean up spills etc., we are used to our quicker-picker-uppers. Did not make a great effort to find them in the market, but didn't notice any when browsing the aisles.

I believe that we are correct in assuming that they are not commonly used, but they do however have them. We found this out when Gayle purchased a package of toilet paper to restock Sasha's apartment, only to find too late that we had inadvertently purchased a package of our beloved paper towels instead.

How Are The Kids?

The kids are adjusting well. The parent are still struggling, but making steady progress.

The kids are well rested. The parents are not! Still do not have a set bedtime, mostly because the naptimes have not been consistent. Andrew still usually naps twice a day and Bethany once. It’s hard to get them both to nap at the same time, so one or the other is running about, all the time.

We can put Andrew in his crib for a nap with only a little fuss, but Bethany still resists both nap and bedtime; often with lot's of crying and screaming. She has a couple of times fallen asleep in the booster seat at lunch, or the stroller during an outing into the neighborhood, so we know she’s tired, but just doesn’t want to lie down.

We have two theories for Bethany as to why it seems extraordinarily hard to get her to sleep–just because it helps to have theories, even if not true. One, that she is so excited by all that is new and fun in her life outside the orphanage, that she is afraid she will miss something while sleeping. Two, we suspect sleep time was traumatic in the orphanage; possibly she was restrained from getting up in some manner.

One or both are up, usually just once, each night. Sometimes they fall easily back to sleep, other times it takes a while.

We wonder if there may have been trauma associated with baths in the orphanage too. Andrew now enjoys bathes; Bethany still screams and kicks.

We have started letting them play together in the bathroom sink, while standing on their stools.

We put the bath toys in there. Both think it is great fun! Maybe that will help with bathtime.

Andrew continues to eat as if each meal is his last, and devours most everything we give him. Bethany is more particular, and prefers to play with her food.



Gayle has had good success with getting them to brush their teeth.

In general, their movement is constant and sudden. They want to touch everything and go everywhere. We are still finding more and more things to put away, or just out of reach. Still have not had time to finish all the drawer and cabinet latches, or to move up the deadbolt on the front door.

Sarah continues to avoid them. Angie and Lily do not and as the kids get more used to their presence, they are getting in their faces more. Apparently Lily scratched Bethany, but from what I have seen she is still fairly tolerant. Angie, who has been getting trampled and handled roughly, is beginning to growl and try to nip at them.

Both are understanding more and more English words. Bethany has started speaking many of them, but not yet for Andrew.

Easter was fun for them. On Saturday, they got along well with four year old Halle, Anthony, who is the same age as Bethany, and Gayle’s family at her Dad’s house. On Sunday, the same with four year old Tiana, other cousin youngins and my family in Casa Grande at my aunt’s house.

Today we bought them trikes. That should be a big hit!

Out of the Fog

The first five days back, we were functioning in a fog. A big part of that was because the kids remained on Moscow time and were up most of the night. For us it was hard to sleep during the day, with the phone ringing, outside noises and sunshine, so we were working on minimum sleep.

To all those parents out there, we now "get it". Before we kept saying that we understood that going from zero to two kids was going to be a lot of work, but the reality of trying to normalize and focus on our child-rearing "sea legs", is harder than expected.

Gayle says it was the roughest week of our marriage. I agree. Trying to steer this parenthood ship together, on little sleep, and constantly running up on the rocks, has been a strain. But, the two of us have been very, very lucky to have a strong, committed union and an overall good match with goals and personalities, so this–greatest–challenge is gradually succeeding. Still in love!

The language barrier is perhaps a greater factor than we had planned. The Russian we learned did help us interact with adults while in Russia and for the most part, non-verbal communication is sufficient with the kids, but it would really help us to know the words that these kids heard and responded to while in the orphanage. Just picking words out from a dictionary or phrase book does not necessarily get through.

Of course, the biggest task is to figure out what they want and to anticipate when they what it. With Andrew the clues are more obvious when he is hungry, sleepy or needs changing. The remedy is usually clear with him. He is otherwise very happy. Being told "no" does not affect his mood. Yet!

Bethany is another story. So the terrible twos exist! She is a much greater challenge for me; much harder to enjoy her company. She whines and throws temper tantrums frequently. I would like to say to her, "Bethany, dear, this is not the best way to get what you want. You must instead keep the lines of communication open and focus on your longer range goals."

The hardest tasks for Bethany have been–listed in order from Most Difficult to Supremely Most Difficult–being restrained in a car seat, going to bed and taking a bath. Sometimes diaper changes have been traumatic for both of them.

If we only knew more about the routine and caregiver techniques in the orphanage; that would hopefully explain a lot. We do know that there was a very, very strict routine; especially in Bethany's orphanage.

It's been a busy week. Their first dentist visit; she has all her teeth, he is ahead of schedule on his. Their first doctor visit. Oh my! They got a clean bill of health, but Bethany had to get four immunization shots. Andrew was given a temporary pass, and so, got no shots, as we had not yet received his immunization history from the orphanage. We have now, and he has to go on this coming Thursday...poor guy!

They both had to go to the lab to have blood drawn. The techs tried, but couldn't get all the blood they needed after drawing from him twice, so we stopped. Bethany had her turn, then we tried with Andrew a third time and got what was needed. Could have used better trained staff at that facility.

We have had lots of visitors, and have been out on several outings. We visited Gayle's workplace (just up the street) and the adoption agency. First trip to the supermarket (not counting a quick trip or two in Moscow). First trip to the hardware store. First trip to the toy store.

Yesterday, we finally got the sand box/picnic table, the toddler basketball hoop and the play cottage. Also bought a park bench for the front yard, so we can sit and watch the kids when they play in the driveway. Plenty for us to assemble.

Today we need to go shopping for some more child-proofing devices. Andrew's weak legs and big head lead to constant falls. He takes them all in stride–doesn't cry–just gets right back up. I think that there has already been progress with their physical development. They are both at the low end of normal. Andrew has been packing it away at every meal; gets a nice Buddha belly each time.

Gayle's an Energizer Bunny mom (and wife). Often tired, sometimes frazzled nerves; but keeps on going–with plenty of hugs and kisses for all. Lucky us!!